PastelPlaypen

So, I got super sick and couldn't work for like 3 weeks.
I got evicted from my house because our roomate was unable to pay their half of rent.
Roomate lied about how long we had to get out.
Had to panic and pack the whole house in 6 days. 
I moved two states over. 
I spent all my savings doing it. 
I got to my family's place, and the situation wasn't what I was promised.
I  had to spend even more money to make it okay.
Coronavirus happened. 
All schools are canceled for 6 weeks. 
I'm emergency babysitter to three kids until then. 
Needless to say, that means drawing 0 NSFW while they're around. 

That's the situation.   I just haven't been able to work, and so, I'm completely drowning in what I've already taken on, and now am 100% broke, and can't take on more. I'm kind of boned, and I don't want to dig myself any deeper. 

I know it's no fun, but please be patient with me while I dig myself out of this mess. I'm sorry things are going to take longer than I thought they would. I'm literally at my limit. 

So, as you've all seen, a few peeps are leaving the diaper art behind in hopes of getting better, expanding their horizons, and not being squished into a niche little corner. And best of luck, I says to em. Reach for the stars! Be the best you can be! 

But for me, I don't think fetish art is something I can leave behind, though I DO want to get better, and I do feel like I've stayed in 90% the same place for the past 2-3 years or so. I sometimes watch tutorials to learn new things, like how to do perspective a little better, and how to be faster, but honestly, I think I look at my own art too much to be objective about where it's weakest. 

Sooooo if you guys could do me a slightly annoying favor, if you see something off about my drawing, correct me, or maybe if you know tutorials that might help, send em along. I know a lot of artists don't want corrections piled on because they're just trying to have fun, but in my case, please do so. I think the 8 years I've been on here is long enough to just have fun. I want to get better. 

And if you know my stuff well and have a tip for me in general, feel free to leave it below. I'll try not to get my feelings hurt and accept criticism with an open mind. 

And thanks in general for watching me, and leaving me comments, and adding my stuff to your favorites all the time. And especially for commissioning me. I don't think I say that enough. You perverts are pretty alright. 

Okay. So. I've replaced my hard drive for a small fortune, but unfortunately, my old hard drive is unusable, and I can't get any of my stuff off of it. So... I'm kind of starting from zero here, and I don't have any of my old files. Or my old logs, or notes on commissions, so please, if you have a commission that I've sent you a sketch for, please send it back to me, so I can get finished on it, or if I haven't started it, maybe remind me because gosh dang have I lost every bit of my commission system. 

I don't have any of my book keeping from commission work anymore. I can look on paypal and see who's paid me and email them, but if you haven't paid yet, please contact me, and remind me what it is we agreed to, because I just have no idea. And I'll do my best to hurry and get it done. 

I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. 

Hey so, I don't have any plans for my birthday yet, and I was thinking, what would be the best way to spend it if I'm not going out? 

With a great big stream party, of course! 

So, for my birthday, I'd like to change things up, and give a gift to you guys. I'll be streaming for a few hours, either on my B-day, (or around then, if i end up having any plans) taking small requests from everybody!  

 You're all invited!  

I'll update y'all later, when plans get more concrete. 

I've been really trying my best not to be a sadsack this holiday season, and pushing it all down, ho ho ho, holiday cheer, and all the happy thoughts. But really, this yule tide depression is really getting to be impossible to keep to myself. I feel like there's just this thin veneer of melancholy sprinkled over everything, and I just can't shake it. I'm not even looking forward to any gifts, even though I do get them now, from Ashley's family. And I didn't even make a wishlist for my friends or anything.

Honestly, being sad like this makes me feel so ungrateful after Ashley moved me all the way to California to be with a healthy functioning family. I should be happier than ever, but it's just not shaking out that way. I feel like I'm tainting Christmas with all this sadness. I'm not being dramatic or anything, or yelling, or crying where anybody can see it. But I know they can tell I'm not having a good time. And it's gotten to a breaking point yesterday and today, where I can only just sort of be quiet and neutral without wanting to isolate myself. I just don't have it in me to pretend to be happy anymore. Hopefully I can suck it up tomorrow and put on the act, or by some miracle, actually make myself happy. 

Not everybody has my anxiety and personal issues, but I know seasonal depression itself is really common, so some of you guys must be feeling similarly. How do you deal and keep being able to function?